me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
