I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
