I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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