Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
