i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
