she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
