He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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