if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
