I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
