You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
