I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
