Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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