dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
