I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
