you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
