Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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