Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
