dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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