Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
