So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
