Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
