I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
