A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i believe in u and ur pee
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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