when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
