Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
