she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
