i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize