we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
