I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
