hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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