Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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