I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
