I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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