So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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