I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
