He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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