You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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