is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
