Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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