She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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