there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
