the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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