Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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