I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
