had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
