I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
