it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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