It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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