Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
