i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
