I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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