Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize