Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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