she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
