Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You were trust falling into bushes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
