Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
