I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
