if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
