i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
