Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize