You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
