Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
