I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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