This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
