I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
