farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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