he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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