My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
