We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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