Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
