this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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