i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
