I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
