I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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