I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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