Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize