so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
