Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
