I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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